I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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