Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
