I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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