you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
