while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
