you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
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Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
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Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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