I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
