Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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