Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
last night I used snow as a chaser
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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