R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Randomize
