2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
