I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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