My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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