We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
