I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
