I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
