***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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