jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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