I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It was confusing and full of hummus
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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