sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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