dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
