He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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