I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
