I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
