sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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