He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
