Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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