Swine flu. Run for my life!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
