hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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