That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
