I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
