He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
