Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
