Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
