It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
