Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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