Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
