she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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