the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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