i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
