Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
