I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
