i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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