I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
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Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
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Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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