I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
