is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
