im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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