i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
