It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
