the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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