high people should be assigned attendants
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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