I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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