Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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