She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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