I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
