If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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