Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
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