last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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