No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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