i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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