Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
