Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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