I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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