Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
