He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
