fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
