hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
