the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
