he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
